How to not get overwhelmed at the end of the year

End of Year Reflection: Celebrating your wins, let go of the past, imagine what's next.

As the year comes to an end, it’s easy to start thinking about everything that happened. Maybe you accomplished something you worked really hard for. Maybe you made new friends, tried something different, or experienced a moment that you wish you could relive.

And maybe there are things you would rather forget.

A friendship ended. You didn’t get the grade you wanted. You made a decision you regret.

When we look back on a year, we often spend a lot of time focusing on what went wrong. If your an overthinker, you may replay conversations, think about what you should have done differently, and wonder why certain things happened the way they did.

First, Let’s Talk About Rumination

Have you ever found yourself thinking about the same embarrassing moment, argument, or mistake over and over again?

Maybe you replay something you said to a friend, trying to figure out whether they took it the wrong way. Maybe you keep thinking about a test you failed, even though there’s nothing you can do to change the grade. Or maybe you spend hours wondering why someone treated you a certain way.

This is called rumination.

Rumination is when we repeatedly think about something upsetting without actually moving toward a solution. It’s different from reflecting on an experience or learning from a mistake. Reflection can help us understand what happened and decide what to do differently. Rumination keeps us going around in circles.

And the tricky part? It can feel like we’re doing something productive.

Our brains are designed to solve problems. Thinking through a difficult situation, anticipating potential threats, and learning from past experiences have all helped humans navigate the world. So when something uncomfortable happens, it makes sense that our minds want to figure it out.

Think about cows chewing their cud. They eat, bring the food back up, and chew it again. It’s a normal part of how they digest food. Rumination in humans can look a little like that. We take an upsetting thought, bring it back up, and chew on it again. And again. And again. Except unlike a cow, we don’t necessarily get more nourishment from repeating the process.

Eventually, there are diminishing returns. The more we replay the same experience, the less we get out of thinking about it. Instead of finding an answer, we may become increasingly anxious, frustrated, or sad. Rumination can amplify negative emotions, make it harder to take action, and lead us to withdraw from the people and activities around us. It can also contribute to maintaining depressive and anxious feelings.

You might physically be sitting with your friends, but emotionally, you’re somewhere else—replaying something that happened three days ago.

The goal isn’t to never think about something upsetting again. You are allowed to be disappointed. You are allowed to revisit experiences, understand your feelings, and learn from what happened.

The goal is to recognize when reflection has turned into rumination.

Here are two places to start:

1. Learn to notice when it’s happening.

Pay attention to when your thoughts start repeating themselves. Are you asking the same questions without getting anywhere? Are you replaying a conversation even though you already know what happened? Are you trying to find an answer to something that may not have one?

Sometimes, simply recognizing that you’re ruminating can help you create a little distance from the thought.

You can tell yourself, “I’ve already thought about this. I’m not getting anything new from going over it again.”

2. Redirect your attention.

Once you’ve recognized the pattern, try shifting your focus to something that engages you in the present.

Go for a walk, listen to music, work on something creative, spend time with a friend, or do an activity that requires your attention.

You don’t have to solve every thought before you are allowed to move on with your day.

And if there is something you can actually do about the situation, make a plan. If you owe someone an apology, consider having that conversation. If you need to study differently for the next test, figure out what that looks like.

But if there is nothing more to solve, you can give yourself permission to stop revisiting it.

You deserve to spend some of your mental energy on the life happening right now.

Four Questions to Ask Yourself Before the New Year

I love the idea of using the end of the year as an opportunity to check in with yourself.

Not necessarily to make a list of resolutions or decide that you’re going to become a completely different person by January 1st. Instead, think of it as a chance to pause, reflect, and become intentional about what you want to carry forward.

Whenever you enter a new period of your life, I think that being intentional is what makes it new. This can happen at the beginning of a year, a new season, a birthday, or even after a difficult experience.

You don’t need a calendar date to give yourself permission to start again.

Here are four questions I’d encourage you to spend some time with.

1. What Do You Have to Celebrate?

This might sound like a simple question, but it can be surprisingly difficult.

When we spend so much time thinking about our failures and disappointments, we can lose sight of everything that went well.

Not every accomplishment needs to be impressive to someone else. Maybe you finally spoke up for yourself. Maybe you tried something that scared you. Maybe you learned how to ask for help. Maybe you simply showed up when things were difficult. Those things count. When we become consumed by doubt, disapproval, and disappointment, it can become difficult to see anything beyond what went wrong.

2. What Do You Want to Leave Behind?

This question is about understanding what you don’t want to carry into the next chapter of your life.

Are there habits that aren’t serving you anymore? Relationships that consistently leave you feeling drained? Expectations you’ve placed on yourself that no longer make sense?

Sometimes, leaving something behind means accepting that it happened, acknowledging how it affected you, and deciding that you don’t want it to define what comes next. You don’t have to have everything figured out immediately. Some things take time to process.

3. How Is Your Mental, Physical, and Spiritual Health?

Health is wealth.

You have one life, one body, and a limited amount of time to experience the world. Are you taking care of yourself in a way that allows you to feel good and participate in the things that matter to you?

Think about your mental health. Have you been feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected? Have you been making time for the people and activities that help you feel grounded?

Think about your physical health. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating regularly? Moving your body in ways that feel good? Have you been ignoring things that need your attention?

And think about your spiritual health. This doesn’t have to mean religion. It can mean your sense of purpose, connection, values, or the things that make your life feel meaningful.

4. What Changes Do You Want to See Happen?

This might be my favorite question because it asks you to imagine something different.

What would you like your life to look like? What would you like to experience? What do you want to learn, create, change, or accomplish?

Be as specific as possible. Maybe you want to feel more confident making new friends. Maybe you want to pursue an interest you’ve been putting off. Maybe you want to become more independent, improve your relationship with your family, or feel more comfortable in your own skin.

Don’t limit yourself to what seems immediately realistic. We live in a culture that can be pretty cynical about the future. Sometimes, it feels easier to assume that nothing will change, that things will always be the way they are, or that imagining something different is pointless.

But most people find it difficult to imagine change before it happens.

A Final Thought

I want you to remember that a year is made up of so much more than its biggest accomplishments or its most disappointing moments.

There are the ordinary days, the unexpected conversations, the friendships that change, the things you learn about yourself, and the experiences you may not fully understand until much later.

Celebrate the wins. Mourn what you’ve lost. Acknowledge what happened in between.

You don’t need to erase the past to move forward, and you don’t need to know exactly what the future holds to begin imagining something different.

The Active Optimist is about recognizing that life can be difficult while still believing that there is room for growth, possibility, and change.

You are allowed to want more for yourself. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to begin again.

And you don’t have to wait for January 1st to do it.