How to reduce body shame

1. Get Curious About the Parts of Yourself You Dislike

The next time you look in the mirror and notice a part of your body that you dislike, try to pause before immediately criticizing it. Maybe it is your stomach, your thighs, your breasts, your arms, or something else you have spent years wishing were different.

Second, can you find one thing you appreciate about it?

Maybe your legs carry you through your day. Maybe your arms allow you to hug the people you love. Maybe your body has changed in ways you didn’t expect, and you are still learning how to relate to it.

You could even write a letter to a part of your body that you have spent a long time criticizing. Tell your thighs, stomach, or breasts something you appreciate about them. Acknowledge how you have treated that part of yourself and consider how you would like to treat it differently.

It might feel strange at first. That’s okay.

You are practicing a new way of relating to yourself, and new ways of thinking can take time to feel natural.

2. Practice Saying, “I Am Beautiful”

One practice that has helped me is intentionally telling myself, “I am beautiful.”

The goal isn’t to convince yourself that you look perfect. It is to interrupt the automatic assumption that you need to find something wrong with yourself. You can experiment with this, too.

When you catch your reflection, try to notice something you like about yourself. It might be your eyes, your hair, your smile, or the way an outfit makes you feel. If “I am beautiful” feels uncomfortable, try something gentler, such as “I am allowed to feel good about myself” or “My appearance does not determine my worth.”

And here’s an important distinction: you do not have to punish yourself for having a body-shaming thought.

If you look in the mirror and immediately think something unkind about your appearance, you haven’t failed. You don’t need to shame yourself for feeling shame. Notice the thought. Allow it to be there without treating it as an objective truth. Then, when you’re ready, try offering yourself a different perspective. You might say, “I’m having that thought again, but I don’t have to agree with it.”

3. Be Outrageous Enough to Enjoy Being Yourself

I want you to consider what it would look like to be a little more audacious about your own existence.

What if you wore the outfit you loved without spending the entire day wondering whether other people approved of it? What if you danced, moved, or expressed yourself without worrying about how you looked doing it? What if you allowed yourself to enjoy being seen?

Sometimes, we spend so much energy trying to avoid embarrassment that we stop ourselves from experiencing things that make us feel alive.

I think there is something powerful about intentionally giving yourself permission to enjoy your own body. Put on an outfit that makes you feel good. Dance in your room. Take a walk and notice what your body allows you to experience. Experiment with makeup or clothing because it is fun, not because you need to fix yourself.

You can even try acting like someone who believes she is beautiful before you fully believe it yourself. You don’t need to wait until you feel completely comfortable with your body to start living. And if you are struggling to feel positive about yourself, remember that body neutrality is an option, too. You can respect your body, care for it, and allow yourself to exist without having to feel beautiful every single day. The goal is to give yourself room to be human.

Action of the Week: Start Treating Yourself Like Someone You Care About

This week, I want you to pay attention to the way you talk to yourself about your body.

Not to criticize yourself for what you notice, but to become more aware of the messages you have internalized.

When you look in the mirror, what is the first thing you notice? What do you say to yourself when you see a photograph you don’t like? How often do you compare yourself to someone else? And how much of your day is spent thinking about how you look?

Then ask yourself one question:

If someone I loved spoke about their body the way I speak about mine, what would I want them to know?

Would you tell them that they needed to change before they could be happy? Would you tell them that they were less worthy because they didn’t look a certain way? Probably not.

You deserve that same compassion.

Lastly, if body image concerns are taking up a lot of your time, affecting your relationships, or making it difficult to eat, socialize, or enjoy your life, please consider talking with a trusted adult, school counselor, or mental health professional. You don’t have to wait until things become overwhelming to ask for help.